A Crash Course On Corporate Governance

Greetings, my imaginary students! Be still, shut up and freeze to boredom! I'm going to teach you today some stone-cut imperatives on effective corporate governance. I did not just pluck these laws from the space between my ears (zero-gravity); these have been distilled through time and through the teachings of Li Po, Sakuraba (do not mistake him for an immortal Samurai, he is the MMA fighter who defeated Royce Gracie), the Pope Alexander and Jar Jar Binks, the most annoying, hence, unforgettable Star Wars character. If you are already listening intently, please allow me to pull the rug away from your feet anew! I am not only kidding, I'm making fun already of your naivete. These intellectual imperatives have been imparted to yours truly by the miracle of...wait, not by inter-generational tele-kinetic transmission, gullible fool! I got this from yahoomail, forwarded by...I no longer remember. Making use of my creativity and to up the ante on plagiarism, I borrowed another concept from 48 Laws of Power (the book that everybody claims to be his bedside reading to show that he is a predator in controlling other people when the claim only shows that he is, in fact, controlled by his pretensions), thus:

CORPORATE GOVERNANCE LAW 1

Transgression of the Law:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

The Law:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

CORPORATE GOVERNANCE LAW 2

Transgression of the Law:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

The Law:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

I'm getting bored now, class dismissed!